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Archive for November, 2011

In remembrance

I close my eyes in remembrance.
It seems I can still smell the breakfasts my mom made once upon a time when I was a girl.
Shy, nervous full of trepidation and wavering on the threshold of womanhood.
Home a place of comfort and security like a walled garden.
Mom’s protection constant though sometimes in the shadows.
Giving me the courage to rebuff the glances of men young and old.
My smiles innocent and tender unknowingly enticing.
I know I’ve changed my body is no longer the same, who I’m I?
This girl, not yet fully woman, I don’t know what I want or even where I’m going?
What do they want from me?
No answers to the questions ricocheting in my brain. Jumbled ideas, confused thoughts, a chaotic melodrama greets my every waking moment.
A yearning for things, imagined yet unknown.
The loud whispers of society, careless keepers of secrets as old as time.
The swing of suggestive hips, of women passing in the streets, men and their long smiling glances full of promise.
What is this mystery that pulls so enticingly on my heart strings?
My undeveloped mind thinks it understands, can control the emotions and hormones bubbling and simmering just below the surface.
Oh! The angst of simultaneously loving and hating, parent’s siblings and everything human.
They don’t understand!
Shunning peers then welcoming them gleefully.
This expansive feeling, almost an unbearable longing, to belong to somebody defies understanding.

by Joszann St.John

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